Death of a Relationship, or Chance for a Bright New Beginning - Allow Transitions to Occur Naturally
At the end of a final divorce mediation session, usually it's a bitter-sweet good-bye. After weeks and months of working together to reach an amicable divorce settlement, we have grown a little closer, they have communicated better than at the end of the marriage, and now it's time to file their divorce in court. The reality for most couples they are getting a divorce REALLY sets in at the last session when we are going over the finalized agreement. As they walk out with their marriage agreement in hand, many say it's been great working with me given the difficult circumstances they were facing. "Priest's see couples at their happiest when they get married, and attorneys and mediators see clients at the worst when they are getting a divorce." I leave them with the final quote... "The only constant in life is that there is change. Don't look at the end of your marriage as a death of a relationship; it is a bright, new beginning for the both of you with an unwritten future. You are given the opportunity to focus on yourself, your children and your goals. During this transition, though it may be difficult, know that it won't always be this hard. There is a bright future ahead if you allow yourself to believe that."
It seems as though many eternalize this but it's difficult to say how they fair afterwards because many don't keep in contact with their divorce mediator. So today's message is allowing time for transitions. Whenever there is a commitment to a new marriage, going to college, moving to new city, changing jobs, having a child or death of a loved one, these situations were all transition and changing points in your life. The most graceful way to move through these transitions is to make allowances for them by allowing yourself plenty of time to adjust and settle into the new situation. When you make the assumption that a transition is going to take time, it seems to take the urgency, as well as much of the frustration out of the picture.
Expect that your life won't be exactly the same but that isn't a bad thing. There is a beauty and mystery that you can write your future based on your present actions and thoughts. As new events unfold, accept and embrace them for what they are, instead of becoming frustrated by your lack of familiarity. Don't expect your lives to be instantly as fulfilling as before, but also remember that as long as you make the best of each situation and you approach life with a positive attitude, you will become comfortable with your new situation. Rather than expecting your life to remain the same, or try to recreate the life you are most familiar with, try to be open and accepting to change. If, instead of panicking, you allow for plenty of time for your transitions, you will gracefully adjust to the next phase of your life.
Categories: Divorce Related Issues, Inspiration